Speak Up Before It’s Too Late: Dating Violence and the Silent Crisis Among South African Youth
Young people are navigating a world that is complex, fast-changing, and often full of pressure. While we talk a lot about education, safety, and opportunity, one issue that too often goes unnoticed is dating violence among teens. It’s a silent crisis, hidden behind closed doors, masked by shame, and misunderstood by many.
If we want to support youth meaningfully, we need to pay attention to the relationships shaping their emotional lives.
Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Dating violence doesn’t always begin with clear threats or physical harm. More often, it starts with behaviour that seems caring: checking in constantly, asking for passwords, or wanting to know every detail of where you are. At first, it may feel like love. Over time, it becomes control.
What may begin as affection can quickly become emotional abuse. A partner might demand constant updates, criticise how you dress, or isolate you from friends. Jealousy is framed as care. Privacy becomes something to feel guilty about.
These patterns can lead to humiliation, manipulation, threats, and even physical harm. Recognising these warning signs early matters.
Here are some red flags to look out for:
- Feeling anxious when you don’t reply quickly
- Being pressured to share passwords or locations
- Being isolated from friends or interests
- Feeling criticised, guilty, or scared around your partner
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and freedom. You don’t need to sacrifice who you are to feel loved.
The Role of Adults and Peers
Parents, teachers, and friends play a crucial role in preventing and addressing dating violence. Teens often struggle to name what they’re going through—and fear of judgment can keep them silent.
Start with open, non-judgmental questions like:
- “How do you feel when you’re around your partner?”
- “What happens when you argue?”
Educators and caregivers should watch for changes in mood, behaviour, school performance, or social circles. These may be quiet signals that something isn’t right.
Signs to notice may include:
- Mood swings or signs of emotional distress
- Sudden drop in academic focus
- Withdrawal from social life or extracurriculars
- Nervousness about checking their phone
- Reluctance to discuss their relationship
Friends also have a role to play. Even a simple “I’m here if you need me” can create a safe space for someone to open up. Shame and fear often keep teens quiet. Support from peers can make all the difference.
Where to Get Help: The ‘Speak Up’ Platform
Recognising abuse is just the first step, young people need safe, trusted spaces to ask for help. The TEARS Foundation’s “Speak Up” web page was created to do just that, educate and empower society to take actions against GBV through:
- Guidance on recognising the signs of abuse
- Safety planning resources
- 24/7 Access to confidential support
- Resources to support reporting
- Short, easy-to-follow videos that tackle tough topics that help you feel more confident making informed decisions. (Dial *134*7355# our free 24/7 USSD number from any cellphone or tablet, choose option 3 to browse and watch our selection of videos)
The platform empowers young people to understand their experiences and take action, on their own terms, in their own time.
Let’s Build a Culture of Safe Relationships
Everyone has a part to play. Parents can start conversations. Teachers can create space for discussions on respect and boundaries. Youth leaders and NGOs can share tools and resources. Even a WhatsApp message or printed flyer can be the lifeline someone needs.
We can’t afford to wait until the damage becomes visible. Dating violence is preventable—but only if we listen, act, and create safe spaces for young people to speak up.
Need Help? Don’t Look Away. Speak Up.
If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence or emotional control, support is available right now.
Call the TEARS Foundation 24/7: 08000 TEARS / 08000 83277
Access “Speak Up” informative videos on your cellphone via USSD: Dial *134*7355# and press Option 3
One call can make all the difference. Use your voice. Use your power. #SpeakUp